I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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