I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
