Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
