CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
