Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You did what with his pubic hair?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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