if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
is it fun? or sober?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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