I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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