a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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