I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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