My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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