hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
