I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
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