I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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