Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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