She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
