Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
