The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
