Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
