actually, I'm a sock model
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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