a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
