OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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