and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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