spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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