We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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