Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
