I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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