I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
