I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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