I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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