I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
