Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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