Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
