I'm so fucking centered right now
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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