Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
