You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
