I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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