Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
