; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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