I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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