My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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