last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
