come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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