the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
