forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
