the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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