just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have fence marks all over my body
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
