Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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