My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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