i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
