you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
