Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
